Mistakes I made as a first time mum
I am sure we can all agree that the idea of becoming a parent is exciting, yet overwhelming. You hear tales of how difficult it will be, everyone has advice to give and you get given a ton of rules you must follow. Yet it is inevitable that you will make mistakes as a first time mum and wish you did things differently. So here are the top mistakes I made, so hopefully you won't either!
Making Mistakes as a first time mum is inevitable because there is so much pressure.
I vividly remember being called by the health visitor on my way to sainsburys one day. She asked me how I was planning my baby to sleep. "In the cot in my room" I confidently replied. I had read every book and article talking about how its safest for baby to sleep in the cot near you. The health visitor told me that was correct and my baby must never sleep in my bed. I laughed, of course he wont sleep in my bed! I imagined a picturesque image of waking up in the morning and leaning my arm over the side of the cot and stroking my sleeping babies new face... spolier alert: he is two and a half and currently snuggled right into me!
My point isn't that you should co-sleep... I am a huge believer that everyone should do what works for them. My point is, that I set myself up for failure based on what I had read. You can read all the books in the world, but the reality is every baby is different and until you meet your bubba, you won't know what is best for them!
My biggest mistake as a first time mum: I was too embarrassed to speak up
The BIGGEST mistake I made was straight after I have birth. I stayed in hospital for several days and the entire experience was extremely traumatic - I wish I could go back and speak up sooner.
I was extremely embarrassed to ask for breast feeding advice, I felt embarrassed because everyone had seen all my bits and pieces and I didn't want to ask anything that would make me seem incapable. Looking back, I should've just asked for the help much sooner!
(If you are a first time mum, don't panic... my experience was extremely traumatic because I gave birth during COVID. I was allowed no visitors so it was extremely distressing. I was also undiagnosed neurodiverse which meant I went into sensory overdrive.)
I tried to follow the text book
I read lots of books about becoming a new parent. Lots of them talked about how hard it was, lots of them talked about the 'rules' you must follow. For example, I will go back to co-sleeping. I refused to let Albie sleep anywhere but in his cot. Of course, he had been in my belly all tucked up for 9 months, and was not impressed about being put down. It got to a point where I had so little sleep I became unwell. My son was on a really strict feeding routine (more on this another day)... but it meant I was awake pumping whilst he slept and only had an hour at a time to catch some sleep.
It got so bad I began to fall asleep holding him whilst I was sat upright feeding in bed. As you can imagine, that is extremely dangerous and luckily my mum was there to witness it. But that was the moment I realised the safest way forward was to safely co-sleep. So I defied the textbook and it was the best and safest thing for us.
I was too prepared that I wasn't prepared
I had a growth scan at 35 weeks and heard the words no expectant mother wants to hear, "your baby is quite big". OH MY GOD... a million things went through my head, the main one being... HOW AM I GOING TO PUSH IT OUT!
I packed my hospital bag with very few newborn items of clothing and lots of 0-3. "Take a few tiny baby just incase" my mum told me... so I reluctantly popped them at the bottom of my bag. Well... my mum was right! Two weeks later I was induced and had a 7.1 lbs baby. He was so tiny that even tiny baby looked big on him. My mum sent in some more tiny baby clothes, but the shops were practically empty (thanks covid) and he had no clothes to wear! I ended up finding some second hand bits online (which sparked my love for preloved) and realised I tried to be so prepared that I was actually underprepared!
Breastfeeding didn't come naturally
I didn't realise quite how much I wanted to breastfeed, until I couldn't. One text book I didn't read was anything about breastfeeding! I assumed it would be super easy... well it wasn't! I was extremely fortunate to have some amazing women around me who were experts so didn't let me give up. However, it was not easy at all. I would try to feed - top up with expressed milk - top up with formula - pump - attempt to sleep - repeat. I was doing this every two hours... it was tough and certainly did not come naturally.
I didn't set healthy boundaries until it was too late
I won't go into the rather dramatic tale that is my in-laws... but one thing I did learn is, so many people have family that overstep the mark! My advice to any first time mum with troubling in-laws is to SET THOSE BOUNDARIES BEFORE. My partner and I had an idea of the boundaries we would set, although we planned to do this after our son was here. I made the first time mum mistake of not having that conversation prior to our sons birth, it would of saved a lot of heartache and mental breakdowns. YOU are in charge of YOUR baby. Don't want people to kiss your baby? tell them! Don't want unannounced visitors? Tell them. If they are good people they will respect you enough respect your boundaries.
Unless you are my in-laws... then you'll decide to totally disrespect them and announce the birth on social media... and then refuse to remove! Anyway, thats for another day!
Boundaries to consider setting
- Do you want anything on social media?
- Do you want people to kiss your baby?
- Do you want unannounced visitors?
- Who will share the news?
- Do you want others to take pictures?
- Do you want your visitors to stay long?
- Do you want to share information of the birth?
- Do you want people to pass on the news?
Don't worry though...
Mistakes as a first time mum is inevitable. You are learning a new skill, and you have to try things to see if it works. Remember, you are just getting to your baby and they are getting to know you. But don't worry, all you can do is try your best and everything will be okay!
