Did I cause my child's speech delay?

I am a mother to one and a fully qualified teacher, specialising in English. When my son didn't hit his speech milestones, I began to worry I had done something wrong. I remember so vividly two speech delayed siblings I encountered when working in a nursery. The class teacher told me how they are stuck in front of MTV all day and their speech impaired because of this. When Albie didn't meet his speech milestones, I panicked that it was my fault too, had I done something wrong? Did I cause my child's speech delay?

Did I cause my child's speech delay? I already know the answer.

I am not going to sit here and pretend that speech delay can be caused by neglectful parenting (a very small percentage). Of course, there are extreme cases where children aren't talking because they are left alone or are ignored. But that really is just a small minority of cases. There are tons of reasons your child may be speech delayed... and there may be no reason at all! But the fact you are even questioning yourself shows exactly what kind of parent you are... a thoughtful and good one!

Is my speech delayed child autistic?

No... well maybe! As I mentioned before, there are tons of reasons a child might be speech delayed. It is true that speech delay is often a trait of autism, but it doesn't mean that your child is autistic! For a child to even be recognised as potentially having autism they need to exhibit at least three different traits. Speech delay alone is not a cause for concern. If you have other reasons to suspect your child might be autistic, then speak to your health visitor or GP. 

Speech delay alone will not warrant a flag for autism. In fact, it is incredibly hard to get an autism diagnosis. You will be referred for other services to help way before autism is even suggested!  

Should I be worried about speech delay?

As parents it is natural for us to worry right? I worried within the first few months of my son not talking.It is natural for us to ask ourselves, 'did I cause my child's speech delay?"  He is significantly 'behind' now and I worry daily. But I try to remind myself of all the things he is incredible at! He has incredible understanding (receptive language) and loves learning! I have had lots of friends with speech delayed children, who are now talking their ears off! It is always going to be a worry when you get told your child is delayed at something, but try not to panic straight away... the likelihood is they will catch up!

But Susan said I should do more...

This could be a separate blog post alone. There are always going to be Susan's who think they can cure your child's speech delay. There is nothing more frustrating that someone saying to my child, "can you say please"..... No Susan, I have just told you he can't talk... I ignore all Susan's now, especially those who think they know better than the specialists. Susan's are unavoidable and make you ask yourself, 'did I cause my child's speech delay'. 

I actually had a health visitor once tell me that I just need to read more to my child. Insulting enough as that is, made worse by the fact I am an English Teacher... I literally trained in how children learn to talk... I have found that there are always going to be parents and professionals that just don't get it. The best thing you can do is to find a group of likeminded parents and find a specialised professional to help. Here in the UK, the waiting list is extremely long so there is no harm in getting on the list to see a SALT and with any luck, you may not actually need to see them!

What can I do to help?

Honestly, I am running out of things to try. Sometimes, there is just nothing more you can do yourself. Ironically, I actually wrote a huge essay once on receptive and expressive language disorder... So I already have quite a bit of knowledge behind me. I am going to list things that can help language development. But I want to be really clear that you could be doing all these things already and still not have made progress. My son had delayed expressive speech. His receptive speech is actually incredible - this means he can understand and comprehend information well. He just cannot express himself verbally yet. 

• Don't just read the book (whilst teacher training I learnt the importance not just reading the words. Silent picture books (no words) can be really powerful. Talk to your toddler about the pictures, point at objects and make connections. 
• Talk to your child (may seem obvious lol... one thing I do is describe things all the time, kind of like I am David Attenborough)
• Point at things (your child should naturally do this anyway. When they point at an object make sure you say that name of it!)
• Repeat single words (ie, if you are playing with a toy pig make sure to keep repeating 'pig')
• Sing nursery rhymes
• Makaton

They still aren't talking... what do I do now?

As I said, those are things you can do the help expressive and receptive speech but there could be a million reasons why your child is not talking yet. In the UK, you will have a 27 month check with your health visitor. They will refer you to the relevant people! If you want to chat things through in more detail feel free to drop me a message on Instagram. 

I hope this has helped you realise that speech delay is not your fault. It is common for children to be speech delayed.. even more so if they were born around the Covid Pandemic. But also YOU know YOUR child best, and if you have any concerns then there is no harm in raising them with your health visitor or GP.